Its Friday night: candles lit, pillows scattered all over the floor, and a giant bowl of popcorn at the centre. Let’s not forget the bubbly and some wine, lots of it…
My girl squad and I are chilling in our cutesy Pj’s—hair wrapped up, matching fuzzy socks on for those who get cold feet! —and inevitably, the conversation turns to relationships. Girls will always be girls! Right?!
“Ugh, sometimes I just feel stuck,” says Lesedi, sipping her bubbly and rolling her eyes. “Me and my Yonkinto have been together for ages, and I swear the spark has fizzled out.” Is there such a thing? She asks!
Lethabo gives her a naughty look and puffs on her herb! “Girl, you ever tried surprising him with something fun? Like a spontaneous date night or random love notes hidden in his jacket?” We all have this girl in our circle!!! LOL… I Give her one look and I say to her: “Women who get Lamborghini’s for their birthdays or trips to unwind when their pet is sick have nothing to complain about really” The girls burst into laughter and boy did I start something…
Kagiso bursts into laughter and says, well… Maybe if my man wore a leopard print thong and drove around in a drop top to come to my house with a coat on top, I would be sooooo turned on! “He should also have money in rubber bands for me to pull out of whatever he is wearing” says Lesedi
Suddenly the room lit up… Maybe we should be recording this conversation so that we can give these men tips!
We all “ooh” and “aah” and chuckles like hyenas in unison because, honestly, little unexpected gestures and lots of cash can breathe life into even the most boring routines.
“But what about deeper stuff?” I sipped more into my drink. Lethabo actually broke down, because after all those drinks after midnight, the walls have fallen, and we are all soo ready for the solutions and sex style suggestions that we want to just be happy… Lethabo mentioned that actually her Yonkinto comes to bed late at night and he often waits for her to fall asleep before he comes to bed! The room went silent, that’s sad actually, I sighed to myself. Me being a solution driven girl I am, I wondered, is he cheating? Is he bewitched? Is he stressed? Is he broke and scared to tell her? Does he have an illness that he is afraid of disclosing? Is he… well some things cannot be said, and it can be hard for one to talk, because you might be trying to find a solution, but because someone is n a vulnerable position, this might hurt them… Men go through a lot sometimes.
“Sometimes, it’s not just about random surprises—it’s about being present and reconnecting. You know... actually listening when he talks about his day rather than scrolling Instagram while he’s talking.”
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On another note: Why is there so much pressure on a woman to spice up a relationship? What do men do to spice things up? I mean?!
Lesedi nods. “Yes! And it’s also about shaking up the routine. Try a new hobby together, take a dance class, or even watch a cheesy 90s rom-com at home and laugh at it. Shared activities make new memories. Sparks thrive on excitement.”
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Kagiso sat up excitedly. “Ooh, or plan a digital detox date—no phones, just each other, in the bush somewhere with the sound of birds chirping and NO chores!!”
I grin. “Exactly! And don’t forget self-care. When you’re feeling confident and happy, that energy is contagious. Put on that red lipstick, do your hair, do your nails, dress in your best outfit when you are going to work—do whatever makes you feel fabulous! For me its wearing matching underwear ALL the time!!!”
The conversation dissolved into giggles and a blur of popcorn kernels, but the takeaway is crystal clear: spontaneity, genuine connection understanding each other’s love languages, and self-love are the secret ingredients to reigniting that spark. It doesn’t take grand gestures—sometimes, all you need is a handwritten note, him taking your car to the car wash and filling your petrol tank, a dance under the kitchen lights, him making you a sandwich at 2AM in the morning, star gazing, watching the sunrise/sunset together or a simple moment where you put your phone down and truly see each other.
Cue the group hug. Pyjama party mission accomplished!
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Interesting and fun blog well done Kgomotso